"Don’t Worry, Be Happy, Feel Good."
"Being humble is one of my great assets."
"I've been on some loony shows in my time, but this one takes the cake." - when appearing on the BBC's Shooting Stars, February 2002."
"I made money. Enough so I don't have to work again. But I'd like to, I really would. But I'd want to do something interesting like Santa Claus or God."
"Barbara Eden is the most beautiful girl in the world."
"I spent five years in England, I went over there with my mother in the show South Pacific and I just love it. I go back there three or four times a year. I joined the American airforce because the Korean war was going on at one time and I got my call up papers and I was supposed to report back to the United States and get my ass shot off in Korea which I didn't think was a smart idea and not only that I couldn't understand what the war was all about, I guess a lot of people could at that time but I still can't even more than I can the Vietnam war, so anyhow I enlisted in the American airforce and I was stationed in London for four years which was pretty good because I never gave up my civilian apartment in St Johns Wood. I got married, met a Swedish girl there, we've been married 46 years now."
(On the infamous "Who Shot J.R?" episode): "Before that fateful shot rang out, I was merely bemused by the success of the character. Villainy could be fun, and that's how I played it. And if it worked. I mean I couldn't go down to the corner to pick up my copy of the Sunday New York Times without running into some nubile creature with "J.R. for President" emblazoned across her chest. Now a higher, shriller note had been added. People who once merely wanted J.R.'s autograph demanded to know who shot him as if it were their birthright, and were angry and upset when I told them, truthfully, that I didn't know."
"I was born with success. Lucky for me I am able to handle it. Also, I damn well deserve it!"
"People I meet really want me to be J.R., so it's hard to disappoint them."
(About co-star Linda Gray after her divorce): "Maj and I kind of adopted her. She was here at the house nearly every day. We'd call her first thing in the morning to make sure she was alright, we'd make sure she had dinner every night."
(Referring to his choice of final resting place for his ashes): "I want to be spread over a field and have marijuana and wheat planted and harvest it in a couple of years and then have a big marijuana cake, enough for 200 or 300 people. People eat a little of Larry."